Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
