you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
