If that was your dad, he is hot
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize