you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
