franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
