goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
