No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
