How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
