Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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