there's paper in my vomit.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
