You work out of a Hotel?
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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