I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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