I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
