i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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