I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
