If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Randomize
