I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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