we're blogging at a bar
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
