Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
