it hurts more in the daytime
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
