Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
