walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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