who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
It's shark week go big or go home
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
