we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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