so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
My ATM looks so different sober.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
