if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
