I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
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