Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
