your thong is hanging out like whoa
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i drank out of a bidet.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Damn victory sex feels great
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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