I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
