Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
