ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
