You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
