I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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