see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
