i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
