escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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