How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
