I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
