She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
is that a dick in a sweater?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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