Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
