Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
