I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
