Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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