I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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