I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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