it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
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