Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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