God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
