I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
