how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize