I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
you would pick up someone in the library
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
