we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize