I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
