It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Randomize
