If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
