Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
