Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Randomize
