Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
