I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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