HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
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