I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
