He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
