you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
