yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
