i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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