I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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