Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Randomize
