her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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