ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
