You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Randomize
