The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
