jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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