You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Randomize
